CarlinaShots

yenilmez

It’s good to feel a sense of control again.

I know you think that I shouldn’t still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn’t say it, well I’d still have felt it
where’s the sense in that?

I promise I’m not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can’t talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of “it’s over”
then I’m sure that that makes sense

And when we meet
Which I’m sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I’ll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I’ve moved on….

I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be

I wish Jim liked this photograph. I know I do.

Today has been a dark day.  Unless a miracle happens, these clouds are here to stay.  My heart is utterly broken - and that infuriates me.  I am going through the stages of grief just perfectly so far: denial, depression, anger.  The last stage is acceptance.  I have not gotten there yet.  My eyes have been swollen all day; constantly watery and red.  You weren’t doing me a favor.  All you’ve done is sabotage the one thing you could have depended on: your relationship with me.  I never planned on leaving you.  I have put up with your pessimism for this long because I thought we were ultimately on the same page.  Turns out that I’m about five chapters ahead of you, and would I have ever found out?  No.

I just wrote an entire paragraph of nothing but harsh words directed toward you, but ended up deleting it.  I’m not going to give you the juicy satisfaction of knowing how disgusted I am with you and the things you’ve put me through.  You want to push me away further?  I dare you.  I am so, so, so close to edge.