August 2009
4 posts
yenilmez It’s good to feel a sense of control again.
I know you think that I shouldn’t still love you, Or tell you that. But if I didn’t say it, well I’d still have felt it where’s the sense in that? I promise I’m not trying to make your life harder Or return to where we were I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again And I caused...
“Please don’t keep me waiting for much longer.”
– my secret for August 10th, 2009
Today has been a dark day. Unless a miracle happens, these clouds are here to stay. My heart is utterly broken - and that infuriates me. I am going through the stages of grief just perfectly so far: denial, depression, anger. The last stage is acceptance. I have not gotten there yet. My eyes have been swollen all day; constantly watery and red. You weren’t doing me a favor. All...
I was once told that hatred is worn on everyone. That is not true in my case; animosity is the only thing that looks bad on me, so I dare not try it on.
My friend settled her divorce today. She got everything she wanted and I could not be happier for her and her sons. Something that also tickled my fancy: I discovered that I have the ability to attract two cops and a disturbed convict in one...
July 2009
2 posts
June 2009
7 posts
2 tags
gene simmons' take on michael jackson's death →
Michael Jackson was heartbreaking and I am very sad that he is gone, but I agree with Gene. Michael’s carelessness in situations, although unintentional, negatively affected so many people. I am sure that he had nothing but good intentions, but he was human - he made mistakes. Now that he’s passed, let’s pay our respects… but please remember that he was person; not a...
Not much can be said about a person who sabotages their own livelihood. Not much can be said about that same person expecting salvation from an outside force. When you’ve gone mad with hunger, what will you have after you’ve bitten the hand that feeds? You pull your dress tighter and then complain of shallow breathing. What did you expect? The straws in the wind imply that...
“I shudder to think that there is a possibility I was never meant to feel...”
– my secret for June 23rd, 2009
“You will get bored with me.”
– my secret for June 15th, 2009
gifparty:
April 2009
2 posts
tea party
Papa and I went to an April 15th Tea Party. Very fun; very inspirational. At 1:25, a stranger asks “What’s your shirt?” I am aware that it sounds like he’s saying “where is your shirt”. In case you couldn’t tell, my shirt says Communist News Network. The man told me he loved it and that he wanted one.
Tea Party | South Texas from...
You will never let us be equal. I wish I didn’t care anymore.
March 2009
2 posts
clumsy
Here’s an apple with a tougher skin. I don’t think I’ll ever fully grasp just how much I jeopardize my health. For the first time in my life, my physical health is more of a concern to me than my mental stability. It’s like I set myself up for failure, either by setting goals too high or expecting the worst outcome. I wanted to go into possible Addictive...
Yesterday was a good birthday. I’m fasting today.
February 2009
4 posts
Significant improvement. I don’t know how this has happened. I’m eating better, going to sleep early, waking up early, exercising, enjoying each and every day…
I do not know what good deed I could have done to deserve this happiness. At long last, I feel full. I’m looking forward to what other great things life has in store.
5 tags
Regarding this [http://twurl.cc/hov] article: Obama did not write the stimulus bill. Pelosi and her gang did. Obama signed the bill. Those of you who think that the cartoon was “racially insensitive”… you are just showing your ignorance. It’s a sad day when someone is forced to apologize for something that was misinterpreted because of pure laziness. How could you be...
“A man who can’t control his woman is funny.” I wish the few people I care about would share my feelings toward certain things. However, I know nothing comes easy to anyone, especially me. I’m human - it took me some time to realize this. I’m really looking forward to getting away. It feels so nice to have my phone off; I think I’ll do it more often. Why...
January 2009
2 posts
lived it for you
It’s a funny thing, what you’ve been able to do to me. I used to listen to the bass guitar without wanting to hear you play it yourself. There are only certain small parts that I remember about the life I had before you. I don’t know if you can tell the amount of relief and gratitude I feel knowing that the difficulty I endured in the past led me to you. ...
All I have to say is that I hope electing Obama was not a mistake.
December 2008
1 post
happy birthday, papa!
I love you. :)
November 2008
4 posts
fai quello che puoi
“No, you’re just being too hard on yourself again.” You really think I would exaggerate such plight? “There is no one to blame.” There is myself to blame. I am to blame for mostly everything that upsets me; when did I turn into such a woman? I hate women. I wish I had the strength of a man. I admire men, therefore I put myself in a submissive...
Thirty nine more days until I see you again. I will not take this event for granted. No matter how many trips we make to see one another, I will never be bored with your presence. No matter how many days we will spend together throughout our life - our one life we will share soon - I will never grow blind to the way you look at me.
In closing, I want to thank you again for wanting to be with me...
update on my health
Went to the cardiologist yesterday (Monday). I have minor heart palpitations and there’s a very good chance I am hypoglycemic. I am presently wearing a heart monitor and will be returning to the clinic tomorrow to have it removed and have an ECHO done. Sometime later this week I will be given the glucose tolerance test, which I am not looking forward to at...
non abbastanza bravo
Currently listening to The Birth and Death of the Day by Explosions in the Sky, a group I haven’t listened to in a very long time. It makes me think of the life I never had - a life that I’ve gone on about, but can never call my own past, present, or future. My true legacy: a hopeless wanderer, from predicament to paradox. I eventually end exactly where I...
October 2008
1 post
I’m very confused and tired. Leave me be…. but I know I won’t allow it for very long. At least I’m keeping myself busy and have my new camera.
September 2008
4 posts
dragging on The irony that is my life: I was finally able to sleep the other night after sobbing for three straight hours. Clearly the only way I’ll be able to catch a few Zs is if I’m hysterical. Finally… ‘some progress’!
I’m thinking of taking the TV out of my room. Then again, I would probably find some other way to kill time and/or distract myself...
My parents and I spent the day together. We watched World Trade Center and Papa and I baked a vanilla cake. I made the icing blue and the cake red with food coloring. Wanna see? It’s pretty delicious. Today’s the kind of day you want to spend appreciating your loved ones, you know? Be you Conservative or Liberal, we can all agree that the events that occurred on Sept. 11th, 2001 were horrific...
Watch ( Original ) One of my awesome contacts on Flickr uploaded this video of her adorable dog, Suki, completely indifferent as my contact’s sister dances in the background. What makes it especially hilarious is the fact that Suki will not drop her ‘loofa’ toy. Flossy has one like that. See here; please note the stitching my mother did after Floss ripped its guts out. Ah, yes, I...
Sorry I’ve been out of touch. I’m busy and sick. Please let me collect myself.
My letter to the oh so ridiculous AP (referencing this article): “To put it simply: since when is the Valley considered ‘impoverished’? That could not be farther from the truth, sir. McAllen is one of the fastest expanding cities (economically and also in the medical, real estate and...
August 2008
1 post
DoS .!#
My heart is beating a thousand miles a second. This happens every night now. I should go to the doctor soon. When my mom is right, she’s right…
I’ve been so busy. Getting back into the swing of things, you know. Maybe I can use being occupied as an excuse for my increasingly prominent aloofness.
No, I don’t think I could ever be that busy. I’ll...
July 2008
6 posts
aggiornamenti per mio palla di fuoco
I am eating well.
I didn’t fall asleep until 1 PM yesterday. I woke up six hours later, ate some dinner, showered (giving myself a complete hair treatment - Head and Shoulders, shine & soften shampoo, shampoo that richens my auburn hair, and really good conditioner - my hair needs all the help it can get), watched Big Night (1996 dark comedy film...
beware of vexation
The hurricane is beating us to a pulp. Already two leaks in our roof. Insurance won’t cover it, of course - if we even try to make a claim, they’ll just stop supporting us completely. When I am an adult, I’m not going to let the government regulate my life. Two reasons on how I know this: 1.) As proud as I am to be an American, I’ll be moving -...
maintain your poise
A few days ago I was told this by a young man: “You have traits that I like in a person: cold, distant, strong, moments of weakness, seemingly apathetic. These are all characteristics I respect.” I responded with, “Huh… To think that most would label me as a jerk* for possessing those attributes.” Man, I am such a sage.
Yesterday I felt a...
narcissism
Over the past three days I’ve been trying to rationalize things; things that most perceive as arcane or even unprofitable. Although unsuccessful with most of my analyzing, I’ve reached certitude upon an issue that’s been festering within a personal chasm I scarcely venture. I am a self-diagnosed narcissist. While being a disordered - as opposed to malignant - type...
it’s no use….
You’ll never step up to the plate. I shouldn’t wait anymore.
June 2008
2 posts
sick as a dog
Let’s see here: chronic nosebleeds, earaches, headaches, scratchy throat…. My endocrine system is messed up. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow at 11AM. I pray that it’s nothing too serious.
I’ve settled with the fact that sincerity expressed through words is no longer a possibility. How feelings should go about being verbalized I haven’t the foggiest. ...
I’m back, but not really. I’m going on a hiatus business-wise.
May 2008
1 post
My weaknesses were obvious. My forced discrepancy was ineffectual. No more of this. I’m in no position to be doing what I am doing or feeling what I am feeling. My behavior was unjustifiable. Part of me does not want to change a thing, but I know that continuing on the way I have has been a vain attempt at self-importance. Everyone can see right through me; back to square one.
April 2008
5 posts
“I want to give up, but knowing that I would disappoint you is keeping me from...”
– my secret for April 28th, 2008
I’m exhausted10. Everyone has a hole in them, figuratively speaking. However, I can’t help but feel like I am the “behemoth” of all who are clinically / situationally depressed (whichever I am). I guess that’s normal. Hopefully.
Happy birthday, Flossy! Today was Flossy’s first birthday. Can you believe it? This dog has been on this Earth for a year and still does not know the concept of “GO AWAY”. I love her so much, though. She is just such a light in our lives, just like Midnight was. To celebrate Flossy’s birthday, we took her to PetSmart to buy her new toys and some snacks. I bought her a...
First post I am presently awaiting to recieve my administrative login so I can get started on my website. It’s kind of exciting.